If you think our current era is a chaotic mess of dating apps, digital infidelity, and crumbling taboos, it’s only because you’ve never cracked open a history book on Ancient Rome without the sanitised filter of high-school propriety. Forget the austere, asexual white marble statues: the reality was far more colourful, decidedly grittier, and infinitely more interesting than your history teacher ever dared to suggest.
Sex as (yet another) show of strength
For a Roman, sex wasn’t a matter of “romance” or “empathetic communication.” Let’s be honest: it was primarily a matter ofpower. If you were a high-ranking male citizen, your sexuality was a statement of intent. And, spoiler alert: it didn’t matter a jot who the partner was, provided you were the one on top, metaphorically and otherwise.
The distinction wasn’t between “straight” and “gay,” but between who dominated and who was dominated. In practice, sex in Rome was a battlefield where Roman pride was celebrated in a manner far more physical than any military parade.
Sex: Between an obsession with fertility and a taste for excess
If we get scandalised today by a bit of poorly executed sexting, the Romans would have laughed themselves into the Tiber. To them, sex was everywhere: in the frescoes of their domus, in the graffiti on the walls of Pompeii (which look rather like the ignorant comments under a Facebook post, only written in Latin and with significantly more panache), and in the phallic amulets worn around the neck as good-luck charms. Because yes, the phallus was their equivalent of a four-leaf clover: it warded off the evil eye and brought prosperity. Just imagine strolling about town with a keychain shaped like… well, you get the idea.
Morality? Not present
The point is that ancient sexuality wasn’t “sick” according to our modern categories; it was simply integrated. There was no schism between “the upstanding citizen” and “the pervert.” There was just the citizen who, after a long day of passing laws or conquering lands, helped himself to his pleasure without needing to spend years in therapy to manage his guilt.
The limits, of course, were there: you had to maintain the dignity of your rank. But, as long as you didn’t break social rules (which were far less rigid than we like to think), the rest was just a game of roles.
What do we learn today?
Studying Roman sexuality isn’t just about having a laugh at the habits of people who bathed in the buff in public. It serves to dismantle the idea that our “normality” is the only valid model. The Romans remind us thatsexuality is a fluid, often absurd force that society tries, continually and futilely, to harness with moral codes that inevitably crumble under the weight of human nature.
The moral of the story (or the triclinium)
The next time you feel guilty about a fantasy or a desire that veers off the tracks of modern “good taste,” spare a thought for a Roman Senator who, between debating inflation and a pantagruelic banquet, couldn’t have cared less aboutclinical labels.
I’m not suggesting we return to the habits of Ancient Rome (the healthcare system has improved quite significantly since then) but perhaps a little less prejudice and a little more historical awareness wouldn’t go amiss. At the end of the day, “normality” and “respectability” are just the fashions of the moment. And as history teaches us, fashions fade, but human nature remains, thankfully, desperately “perverse” and wonderfully free.